Contributed by: filbert Monday, January 19 2009 @ 05:23 PM CST
When our scientist first discovered your planet 6.3 Kremulakian moon-orbits ago, I argued before the High Admiralty that it would be a suitable world for conquest and colonization. The Inner Council accused me of madness! They said we Kremulaks could never survive in your stupid planet’s hostile hot temperatures. They said our nostrils would mutate and explode under your intense atmospheric pressures. They said that Hu-mans would never vote us into their control councils.
Fools! I wagered Supreme Overlord Gromfnorg-0 himself that not only would I survive, but that I would win quick election to your Earth Commerce and Energy committee — without even using my visual cloaking device! Little did he know that I, Lord Waxulon-6, had been carefully monitoring your Earth-frequencies and Earth-internet and Earth-basic cable news, and had discovered the outpost which you Hu-Mans call “San Francisco.” Needless to say, my little bet has paid off handsomely — winning me over 6000 Kremulakian trading crystals.
Victory over you puny race was even easier than I anticipated. In fact, the only resistance I encountered was on the invasion-saucer voyage, when Pelosicon-8 and Obamulak-3 kept trying to recalibrate the music-frequencies. And the impudent weak-glanded Algor-11, who needed to make biowaste stops at every refueling station between here and the Antares subcluster.
I laugh, because otherwise I’d cry. Or rant.