The National Moment of Remembrance

Through the magic of story scheduling:

The National Moment of Remembrance[*1] , established by Congress, asks Americans wherever they are at 3 p.m., local time, on Memorial Day to pause in an act of national unity (duration: one minute).The time 3 p.m. was chosen because it is the time when most Americans are enjoying their freedoms on the national holiday. The Moment does not replace traditional Memorial Day events; rather it is an act of national unity in which all Americans, alone or with family and friends, honor those who died for our freedom. It will help to reclaim Memorial Day as the sacred and noble holiday it was meant to be. In this shared remembrance, we connect as Americans.

Big 12 and Summit League championship sites

Kansas City[*1] gets the 2008 Big 12 Football championship game, and the 2010 and 2011 men’s and women’s basketball championships:

“We’re ecstatic,” said Kevin Gray, president of the Kansas City Sports Commission. “It demonstrates that if you have the facilities, you can be competitive in these situations.”

Meanwhile, Sioux Falls and Tulsa[*2] are the finalists for hosting the Summit League (nee Mid-Continent Conference) men’s and women’s basketball championships:

The league, which is changing its name from the Mid-Continent Conference on June 1, will make a site visit to Sioux Falls next week for the 2009 and 2010 tourneys. Conference commissioner Tom Douple said Sioux Falls and Tulsa, Okla., are the only two in the running.

Simian-blogging: US stops breeding chimps

U.S. stops breeding chimps for research[*1] :

The NIH’s National Center for Research Resources cited financial reasons for its decision this week to permanently cease breeding of government-owned chimpanzees for research. A breeding moratorium on NCRR-owned and supported chimpanzees had been in place since 1995.

I’m going to have to start a new category just for simians, aren’t I?

The Lutheran Menace

Iowahawk reports the results of a disturbing survey of the Lutheran jihad[*1] in our midst:

Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that “The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule,” there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported “pancake breakfasts” and “popcorn fundraisers,” but support dropped to less than 80% for “cow tipping” and “T-P’ing infidel houses.” Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as “suicide bombing” (28%), “decapitation” (24%), and “running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo” (23%).

“Taken as a whole, the results show that Midwest Lutherans emphatically support a moderate, mainstream path to world domination,” said Kohut. “These folks are well-assimilated into the broad fabric of American society, and unless you are Presbyterian, there is probably very little here to cause concern.”

Kohut said that optimism about the results should be tempered by the grim economic realities faced by many in the Lutheran community. Nearly 65% of female survey respondents said they lived more than 30 minutes from the nearest outlet mall, while a strong majority of males said they were “often” or “sometimes” worried about having enough money for green fees and Leinenkugel.

(uh, YEAH, it’s parody.  Sheesh.  Where’s the coffee and sweet rolls?)

Creating a hostile work environment–by gossiping?

Four women fired for gossiping[*1] :

Four town employees with 46 years of service between them were fired, in part for gossiping and discussing rumors of an improper relationship between the town administrator and another employee that Hooksett residents now agree were not true.

The administrator complained, and after an investigation the town council fired the women, finding, “Gossip, whispering, and an unfriendly environment are causing poor morale and interfering with the efficient performance of town business.”

Or:  four women fired for telling lies about the boss.  Let’s be careful out there.

Chihuahua 1, Paula Abdul 0

Paula Abdul breaks nose in dog mishap[*1]

“I took a nasty fall … trying not to hurt my dog. I bruised myself on my arm … my chest, my waist all the way down to my hip. All from my little chubby Tulip,” Abdul said.

If Paula Abdul did not exist, it would be necessary to create her.  Just for the laughs.