Contributed by: filbert Friday, December 30 2011 @ 05:37 PM CST
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FEBRUARY: Chicago chose as its new mayor former White House chief of staff Rahm Effing Emanuel, who immediately ordered a voter registration drive in the city’s cemeteries. Shortly after that, the “Arab spring training season” began in Egypt. After Secretary of State Hillary said that the Mubarak regime was stable, the Cairo Clubbers traded their top grenade thrower to the Port Said Molotovs for two machine-gunners and a future draft pick.
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SEPTEMBER: Republican debates became so boring that television networks considered hiring fake moderators such as Donald Trump. The problem can best be solved, without Trump, by ensuring that future debates are moderated, seriatim, by John Madden, the Kardashian sisters, and Liam Neeson accompanied by the rest of the stars of the “A-Team” movie appearing in character. I pity the fools…
DECEMBER: . . . Ratings agencies Standard and Poor’s, Moody’s and Fitch issued a joint statement in reaction to the Eurozone deal which said only, “Bwahahahahahahahaha.” Which some people mistook for a reaction to Joe Biden’s statement that the Taliban wasn’t our enemy, “per se.”
So what will 2012 bring? . . .