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The Moron Lifestyle, Holiday Recipe Edition

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Shamelessly stolen from the Annual Recipe Exchange thread at Ace of Spades HQ, a collection of recipes, perhaps suitable, perhaps not.

It IS Ace of Spades HQ, after all.

And, you may note, the AoSHQ Moron Horde seems to have an affinity for chili con carne. Beans or no beans in the chili seems almost as contentious as the infamous "crossbow or longbow" AoSHQ debate.

Sis-in-law's Texas Chili - Posted by co-blogger (or "cob logger") Gabriel Malor:

2.5 lb. ground beef
2 8 oz. cans tomato sauce
2 yellow onions, diced
2 chili peppers, diced (remove the seeds)
2 carrots, small diced
2 tomatoes, chopped
2 tbsp. chili powder
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
2 cup water

Brown the beef in a skillet, breaking it up into small pieces, and drain. Put the beef and the rest of the fixings into the crock-pot and simmer over low heat. Stir every 20-30 minutes or so. Cook for three hours or so.

Easy, perfect, no beans. Eat it with shredded cheddar and sour cream, according to your tastes, over tortilla chips, Fritos, or corn bread.

Brandy Alexander Pie - Posted by Gabriel Malor, but actually from "Anchoress" Elizabeth Scalia:

1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 tspn salt
3 eggs, separated
1/4 cup cognac. Donít be cheap, use the good stuff.
1/4 cup creme de cacao
2 cups heavy cream
1 tspn sugar
1/2 tspn vanilla
1 9″ graham cracker crust
chocolate curls for garnish

Sprinkle gelatin over the cold water in a saucepan. Add 1/3 c of the sugar, the salt and the egg yolks. Stir to blend.

Heat over low flame while stirring until the gelatin dissolves and the mixture thickens. DO NOT BOIL.

Remove from heat and stir in the cognac and creme de cacao. Chill until mixture starts to set slightly.

Beat egg whites until stiff. Gradually beat in the remaining sugar and fold into the thickened mixture

Use 1 cup cream to make whipped cream and fold into the mixture.

Turn it all into the crust and chill for several hours or overnight.

Before serving, whip second cup of cream with a teaspoon of sugar and 1/2 tspn vanilla, spread that over the pie, then sprinkle with chocolate curls. A large enough slice may get you loaded, but in truth, this is a very light, fluffy dessert.

This is also an excellent thing to bring to your New Yearís celebration, but do warn people that they are drinking while they eat it.

Angel Em's Pumpkin Cheesecake Dip - Posted by Gabriel Malor

8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 cup (packed) light brown sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons orange juice
2 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. cloves

Throw it in a bowl and stir. So easy even this moron can do it. Serve with gingersnaps for dipping during the game. I also like it with a spoon. Or fingers. It's just good, okay?

Easy sweet potatoes (or, yes, yams) - Posted by "Red Emchilada"

You people who make the sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top are crazy. THIS is how you do sweet potatoes.

Melt on the stovetop;
1 stick of butter
1 cup of orange juice
1 cup of brown sugar

Add about 4-5 sweet potatoes/yams cut into bite size pieces. Cook for at least 2 hours. You may have to add more orange juice, but that's it.

Hands down the best sweet potato recipe there is.

But wait! There's more (after the jump, or the "Read More", or whatever the next-page-thingie calls itself nowadays . . . 7UP biscuits - Posted by "rickb223"

4 cups Bisquick
1 cup sour cream
1 cup 7-up
1/2 cup melted butter
Mix Bisquick, sour cream and 7 up.
Dough will be very soft - don't worry.
Knead and fold dough until coated with your baking mix. Pat dough out and cut biscuits using a round biscuit / cookie cutter.
Melt butter in bottom of cookie sheet pan or 9x13 casserole dish. Place biscuits on top of melted butter and bake @ 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes or until brown.

Scalloped Yukon Gold and sweet potato gratin with fresh herbs - Posted by "Red Emchilada"

This recipe will be outlawed by Michelle Ceaucescu soon...
(From Bon Appetit mag)

1 1/2 pounds medium Yukon Gold potatoes
1 1/2 pounds medium red-skinned sweet potatoes (yams)
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon minced fresh Italian parsley
1 tablespoon minced fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon minced fresh sage
1 tablespoon minced fresh thyme
1 1/2 teaspoons fine sea salt
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 1/4 cups (packed) coarsely grated Gruyere cheese (about 5 ounces)
Fill large bowl with cold water. Working with 1 Yukon Gold potato at a time, peel, then cut into 1/8-inch-thick rounds and place in bowl with water. Repeat with sweet potatoes.
Combine cream, butter, and garlic in medium saucepan; bring to simmer. Remove from heat.
Mix all herbs in small bowl. Mix sea salt and black pepper in another small bowl.
Butter 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish. Drain potatoes, then pat dry with kitchen towels. Transfer half of potatoes to prepared baking dish. Use hands to distribute and spread evenly. Sprinkle with half of salt-pepper mixture, then half of herb mixture. Sprinkle with half of cheese. Repeat with remaining potatoes, salt-pepper mixture, herb mixture, and cheese. Pour cream mixture over gratin, pressing lightly to submerge potato mixture as much as possible. DO AHEAD Can be made 6 hours ahead. Cover with plastic wrap and chill. Remove plastic wrap before baking. Preheat oven to 400 deg F. Cover gratin tightly with foil. Bake 30 minutes.
Uncover; bake until top of gratin is golden and most of liquid is absorbed, about 25 minutes longer.
Let stand 10 minutes; serve.

Tips For Preparing The Perfect Thanksgiving Meal - Posted by "alexthechick"

1. Have a brother who is an amazing cook and who won't let anyone else cook.

2. Go to said brother's for Thanksgiving.

3. Eat the food that your brother the awesome cook made.

You can vary the menu by stopping the store and grabbing some King's Hawaiian rolls if you like.

My chili recipe - Posted by "---"

Open a can of chili.

(Why, yes, several, perhaps most of the AoSHQ Moron Horde are, in fact, smartasses . . .)

pumpkin chorizo queso dip - Posted by "Russkilitlover"

1 sugar pumpkin
chorizo (the Mexican kind very paprika red)
Oaxaca cheese
cheddar cheese
green (Anaheim) chilies diced
Couple of Serrano chilies (seeded, or not)

Take top 1/4 off pumpkin, clean out seeds and fibres
Sauteed chorizo and chilies
stir in cheeses to melt
pour into pumpkin
bake 350 for about an hour

Top with cilantro
serve with blue corn tortilla chips.

Carroll Shelby's Texas Chili - Posted by "Kaner"

1/2 pound suet or
1/2 cup olive oil
1 pound beef round -- cubed
1 pound beef chuck -- cubed
1 can tomato sauce -- (8 oz.)
1 can beer -- (12 oz.)
1/4 cup red chili pepper -- hot, ground
2 garlic cloves -- finely chopped
1 onion -- small, finely chopped
1 1/4 tsp. oregano -- dried, pref. Mexican
1/2 tsp. paprika
1 1/2 tsp. cumin -- ground
1 1/4 tsp. salt
Pinch cayenne pepper
3/4 pound goat cheese -- grated

1. Melt the suet or heat the oil in a heavy 3-quart (or larger) pot over medium-high heat. Remove the unrendered suet and add the meat to the pot. Break up any lumps with a fork and cook, stirring occasionally, until the meat is evenly browned.
2. Add the tomato sauce, beer, ground chili, garlic, onion, oregano, paprika, 1 teaspoon of the cumin, and the salt. Stir to blend. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer, uncovered, for 1 hour. Stir occasionally.
3. Taste and adjust seasonings, adding the cayenne pepper if desired. Simmer, covered, 1 hour longer.
4. Stir in the goat cheese and the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of cumin. Simmer 1/2 hour longer, stir often to keep the cheese from burning.
5. Serve in bowls.

Accompany with dinner rolls
Top with shredded cheddar cheese
Add pinto beans
Serve over spaghetti or other pasta, rice or mashed potatoes.

Mitchell's Go-To chili recipe - Posted by "Mitchell"

Yes, it has beans in it you maniacs.

1 lg can of tomato sauce
1 can of pinto beans (drained)
1 can of kidney beans (drained)
2 cans of Rotel tomatoes (not drained)
(I used one can of the regular, and one can of the "chili" tomatoes)
1 can of green chilies (mild, not drained)
1 medium yellow onion medium chopped
4-5 cloves of garlic minced
1 bell pepper medium chopped (I like the riper ones: red, orange or yellow)
2 to 2 1/2lbs of your critter of choice. I usually use about 1lb of cubed stew meat and 1lb of ground beef.

Throw away any seasoning packets you have on hand, you won't use them anymore.
1 tsp of Basil
1 TBL of Onion powder
1 TBL of Garlic powder
2 TBL of Chili Powder*
1 TBL of Ground Cumin
1 TBL of Ground Cayenne Pepper**
1 TBL Sugar***
2 TBL All Purpose Flour
Put all of this into a container and shake until completely mixed.
I make my chili in a large crock-pot.
Put the sauce, beans, tomatoes and chilies into the pot. Set on high to get it going. Keep the top on at all times except when adding ingredients or stirring. Brown your meat in a big skillet until done and add to the pot. Add the spice mix and stir it up good.

Add some oil to that skillet and put the onion and bell pepper in, and cook med-high until just after the onions start browning up. Throw in the garlic and cook a bit longer until you smell the garlic. Add to pot and stir again.

It seems a bit thick, yes? Yes, however the veggies will render down and release more water during cooking. If it's still thicker than you like towards the end of the cook add some (good) beer to the mix.

Keep the pot on high until it starts bubbling really well. Give it one more stir, then set to low and leave it alone for the next four hours if you use all ground critter. But if you use stew meat, cook 6-8 hours. If you use a tenderer cut of meat be careful not to cook it so long that completely falls apart.

Sprinkle with chopped green onions
Shredded cheddar cheese
A dollop of sour cream

*There are LOTS of various chili powders out there. In my book of "Championship Chili" recipes they usually call for Gebhardt's Chili Powder, which I typically use. Try others for interesting variations.
**Everyone has their own heat preference threshold. In this recipe most of the heat comes from the cayenne pepper. Know also that Rotel tomatoes contribute to the heat profile as well.
***Brown sugar would probably work pretty well too.
Interesting variation: add a small can of chipotle peppers (chop them up) in adobo sauce for a nice, smoky flavor twist. This will add to the heat level too so adjust to your preference.

honey-infused, goat cheese stuffed endive - Posted by "taylork"

in a food processor mix:
8 ounces of goat cheese
1-2 tbs olive oil
1/2 tbps buckwheat honey (or any other dark, rich honey)
cracked pepper to taste.
* feel free to adjust the honey and olive oil mixture to suit your taste, but start with a little since you ca't take back what you added

Cut base end from Belgian endives so you have individual leaves, and stuff with the goat cheese mixture (a cannelle shape looks nice) .

Top with some crushed pistachios and basil chiffonade.

Total time 10-15 minutes and will serve 10+ people as an hors d'ouvere

Rockmom's mom's perfect pound cake - Posted by "Rockmom"

3 cups flour
3 cups sugar
I tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 sticks butter
1/2 cup Crisco
1 tsp vanilla
(optional) 1 tsp lemon or almond extract
5 eggs
1 cup whole milk
Heavily grease and flour a bundt pan. Cream butter, sugar, and Crisco together until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time. Add flavorings and mix well. In separate bowl, sift flour, salt, and baking powder. Add one cup dry ingredients to mixer and mix well at low speed. Alternate adding milk and dry ingredients, ending with dry. Mix at medium speed for one minute. Pour batter carefully into pan.
Place pan in COLD oven and turn oven to 325 degrees. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes and then test for doneness. Bake an additional 5 minutes if necessary. Remove from oven and cool 10 minutes before taking cake out of pan. Dust with powdered sugar when completely cool.

Stace's primary contribution to Thanksgiving Weekend - Posted by "stace"

Velveeta 1 lb
Ro-tel 1 can

(One assumes that in the preceding recipe you combine the two ingredients in some fashion, but this is left as an exercise for the reader, apparently.)

Cranberry sauce over vanilla ice cream - Posted by "Mustbequantum"

Get bag of cranberries, simmer with a few cups of sugar until cranberries mushed (1/2?), and pour over ice cream. Easiest and best dessert ever.

Taylork's Not-In-Crock-Pot chili - Posted by "taylork"

I like to cook the beef (with cumin salt and pepper, btw), then remove it and reserve the letfover beef fat for sauteeing my onion, garlic and chilis (I did a comibination of chili d'arbol, morita chili, and red bell pepper) plus more salt pepper and cumin. Then add a .5-1 a Shiner bock beer and let it reduce)

Add in some fire roasted tomatoes and puree, then add 1tbsp molassess, and 1 tbsp cider viniegar and let that bad boy cook for an hour or so.

Once the sauce doesn't taste like a can of tomatoes any more add back in the beef (and some beans--i like black beans and even corn if you want).

It's good like that, but equally good with cilantro, fritos, hot dogs or tater tots.

Lauren's pork butt - Posted by "Lauren"

This isn't Thanksgiving related, and isn't really a recipe as much as a cooking method. However it is a super tasty way to make $10 worth of meat into 4 meals, at least.

Grab a pork butt. Season with pink salt and minced garlic.

Place 3 slices of bacon at the bottom of your crock pot and put the pork butt on top.

Put on low overnight and until dinner time the next day.

Take pork butt out of crock pot and shred.

Congratulations, you know have more shredded pork than you know what to do with. Go forth and make burritos, soup, chili, or whatever else your imagination can think up.

Or just fry some up til it's nice and crispy and sprinkle it over your eggs. Mmmmm

Potted Prunes - Posted by "RedMindBlueState"

Since we're getting all fancy now, these are good for pre-dinner nibbles:

Take pitted prunes, soak them in Armagnac overnight, then pipe in some foie gras mousse.

Save and drink the flavored brandy.

They're really easy to make, but Dartagnan sells them as French Kisses for something like $10 for a half dozen.

(Apologies to RedMindBlueState . . . I made up the "Potted Prunes" name myself - filbert)

Chili con carne y frijoles - Posted by "Christopher Taylor"

I like quick and dirty chili with hamburger, a can of pinto beans, and a can of diced tomatos and chilis (Ro-Tel usually is available at your mart). Throw in some cumin and chili powder and you have chili in about 20 minutes that is surprisingly good.

Of course, technically, that's chili con carne y frijoles, since "chili" is just the red sauce.

Y-not's pork butt - Posted by "Y-not"

I've posted this before, but my favorite way to use a really cheap cut of pork (like blade roast) is:

In your Dutch oven, sear pork roast on all sides in oil or bacon fat. Remove from heat. Pour in whole milk so that it is roughly half-way up the side of the roast. Toss in whole (peeled) garlic cloves (not crushed or anything) - the more the merrier (I usually put in 8-10). Braise on low heat in the oven for 4-5 hours, until the meat starts to fall of the bone.

You can then remove the roast and reduce the sauce if you want, but I don't tend to bother to do that.

Best. Pork. Ever.

And meat is excellent for other dishes later, like carnitas or a pulled pork.

Green chili stew - Posted by "huerfano"

2 lbs stew meat (beef, pork or both)
1 large onion, sliced or chopped
2 tbsp garlic, chopped
2 cups of beef broth
5 or so medium red potatoes cut into 1 inch cubes
3 cups chopped green chili, whichever heat level you prefer
1 large can of tomatoes (optional)

Toss beef or pork with flour and brown in batches in a skillet or dutch oven. Add onion and garlic to the pan and add the meat back when that is done. Scrape up all the good stuff on the bottom and add the broth and the potatoes and green chili and the tomatoes if you want them and water to cover. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover and simmer until the potatoes are tender, about an hour.

Yes, it's a lot of chili, but frozen green chili is pretty widely available these days and it is green chili stew, after all. I don't usually put in the tomatoes because it doesn't need them.

BCochran1981's chili - Posted by BCochran1981

Beans, all the beans, dark and light kidney beans. 3 lbs of beef. 2 lbs of hot sausage. 3 bell peppers. 3 onions. Couple big cans of diced tomatoes. 1 can of tomato sauce. 1 beer. Various seasonings.

Texas jackrabbit chili - Posted by "fairweatherbill" (who is bucking the wind, it seems)

2 jackrabbits sans fur, guts and ears
one regular pouch Red Man chewing tobacco
3 drams black powder
big dutch oven

Put ingredients in dutch oven, cover with water, simmer low over mesquite or buffalo chip fire for two and a half days. Stir occasionally, like after every time the jug needs refueling. When done, apply liberally to rusty lug nuts. Will loosen them most of the time.

(I have my doubts as to the legitimacy of the previous recipe, but it's AoSHQ . . . what can you do? - filbert)

Rockmom's quick black bean soup - Posted by "Rockmom"

I made a darn good quick black bean soup yesterday. Threw a can of black beans and a can of diced tomatoes in a pot, added a cup of water and a beef bouillon cube, a tablespoon or so of taco seasoning, a teaspoon of dark chili powder, a bay leaf, and a dash of good olive oil. Served with shredded sharpcheddar on top. The Mr. ate 3 bowls of it so I guess it was pretty good!

Venezuelan Hot Chocolate - Posted by "I R A Darth Aggie" who stole it from a Talahassee radio station.

Venezuelan Hot Chocolate

(yields ten, 8 oz servings)

1/2-gallon whole milk
5 allspice berries
3 star anise
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
1/2# good quality semisweet chocolate, chopped
Zest of one orange
8 oz. aged rum


Combine first SIX ingredients in a saucepot. Bring to just under a boil. Lower heat and cook 10 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand for 10 minutes. Strain out spices. Return liquid to saucepot and keep over low heat. Add chopped chocolate, whisking to combine and facilitate melting. Add rum. Serve with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

Stace's chili - Posted by "stace"

Just for a different direction, this is the chili I make when I'm in a hurry. I've really gotten into pressure cooking, and it's not scary anymore with the modern cookers.

1 T oil
1 lb HB meat
1 onion chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 can tomato sauce (14.5 oz)
2 T vinegar
2 t Worcestershire
1 bay leaf
1/4 cup of your favorite chili seasoning mix. I use a couple of the Penzey's mixes
~1/2 t cayenne (optional for yankees)

Dump it all into pressure cooker and stir. Cook on high pressure for 15 minutes for stovetop, or 20 minutes for electric pressure cooker. Remove from heat and let pressure release naturally, then open and simmer for 5 minutes to reduce.

We eat it with chopped raw onions, shredded cheddar, and cornbread, tortillas chips or Fritos.

We use hamburger meat instead of chili grind mainly because we have about 30 lbs of hamburger meat in the freezer from a steer my mom had fed out.

Alamo's (REAL TEXAS!!!!) chili - Posted by "Alamo"

"Real" chili has two characteristics: Meat that tends to be less tender (the reason for the long simmer), and CHILIS.

The type of meat chili are up to you. My general recipe:

A pile of dried Anchos, with enough jalapenos or habeneros to kick the heat up. Roast 'em until the aroma makes you tear up. Since I don't have a mortar pestle, I'll grind them into a paste with a blender. Set that shit aside and get the meat going. Venison trim preferred, goat is excellent, beef will do. Cheap cuts like flank, or chuck, or shoulder. Cube it, 3/4 inch or a little smaller. Brown in oil, salt pepper. Mash up at least a whole garlic bulb, two is better. Brown it in the skillet, then stir that into the meat.

Meat goes in a pot-- no, not a "crock pot" Nancy. A regular old big pot. Iron is best, aluminum if you're a weak sister.

Stir in your chilis, pour in enough beer--preferably a Shiner, Pearl or Lone Star-- that you can mix everything smoothly with a canoe paddle. If it is soupy at first that's fine, you have plenty of time for it to reduce. Simmering is what makes the meat tender. Cumin Mexican oregano are okay to add to your taste. Onion is okay, preferably yellow, chopped.

BTW, Texas should nuke southern Ohio for them suggesting that anyone in Cincinnati knows a *censored* thing about chili.

(A sensitive subject for Alamo, apparently. - filbert)

Lizzy's frozen pumpkin chiffon pie - Posted by "Lizzy"

a holiday ice cream cake:

Gingerbread Crust:

1 3/4 cups finely ground gingersnap cookie crumbs (about 40, 2-inch cookies)
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/3 cup melted butter

PREHEAT oven to 350 deg F. Grease 9-inch deep-dish pie plate.
COMBINE crumbs and sugar in medium bowl. Stir in butter. Reserve 1/3 cup crumb mixture for topping. Press remaining crumb mixture onto bottom and up sides of prepared pie plate.
BAKE for 8 minutes. Cool completely on wire rack.

Pumpkin Filling:

1 can (15 oz.) Libby's 100% pure pumpkin
1 pkg. (5.1 oz.) vanilla instant pudding and pie filling mix
1 cup evaporated milk
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
2 cups frozen whipped topping

COMBINE pumpkin, pudding mix, evaporated milk and pumpkin pie spice in large mixer bowl; beat for 1 minute or until blended. Fold in 1 1/2 cups whipped topping. Spoon into crust. Freeze for at least 4 hours or until firm. Let stand in refrigerator for 1 hour before serving. Garnish with more whipped cream. Serve immediately.

11B40's chili - Posted by "11B40"

1 can Hormel Chili with Beans
1 can Hormal Chunky Chili with Beans
1 medium white Onion sliced thinly
2 slices medium Cheddar sliced thinly
(or 2 slices American cheese sliced thinly)
6-12 Stone Wheat Thin crackers crumbled into smaller than tablespoon size pieces.

Put stuff into pot as listed and heat until cheese is melted in and crackers soften some.. Try to avoid cuts and burns. Later arrivals can make their own. If I can do it with my kitchenphobia they can do it. too. And don't interrupt me when I'm eating.

(Impressed with the effort there, 11B40, to overcome your kitchenphobia. - filbert)

Salfter's chili - Posted by "salfter"

Purists may scoff, but this is how I make chili. Other people seem to like it, too, so I can't be going too far wrong with it:

1 lb. ground beef (the leaner, the better)
1 large onion, diced
3-5 cloves (or to taste) garlic, minced
2 large cans whole tomatoes
4 cans kidney beans, drained
1/4 cup (or to taste) chili powder

Sweat the onions in a skillet. Add the garlic and the beef; brown the beef. Dump the contents into a crockpot

Put one can of tomatoes (with juice) and two cans of beans (drained) into a blender. Blend until you get the consistency you want...I don't care for whole beans. Add to the crockpot. Repeat with the rest of the tomatoes and beans.

Add chili powder, stir, and switch the crockpot on. Cook at low power for 6 hours or so.

The quantity of chili powder is very much a matter of taste. On a Boy Scout camping trip probably 25 or so years ago, I went overboard with it. It was about at the limit of what I could handle. The Korean kid (don't remember his name) thought it was the greatest thing ever. The rest of the troop? Not so much. I think I'm using about a quarter cup nowadays, but I don't really measure it as such...just dump some into my palm until it looks about right, then dump it in.

Deathknyte's baked beans - Posted by "Deathknyte"

2 28 oz cans Bush's baked beans
1/2 lb of your favorite bacon (chop this into small pieces, I do 1/2 inch)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1/2 ring of smoked sausage
1 onion (very much optional, I can't eat them)

Cook the bacon, sausage, and onions until the bacon is done. Add one can of beans. Add brown sugar and molasses. Stir until molasses and sugar are evenly distributed. Add the other can of baked beans until you run out of beans or room. Don't run out of room. Stir some more to even out the mix. Taste to check levels of molasses and sugar.