Kerry undergoes emergency oral podectomy

Forced to cancel numerous campaign appearances, Kerry emerged from foot-in-mouth surgery late yesterday as outraged citizens extracted this statement[*1] from his tortured soul:

As a combat veteran, I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform andto their loved ones: my poorly stated joke at a rally was not about,and never intended to refer to any troop.

I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted towrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and Ipersonally apologize to any service member, family member, or Americanwho was offended.

It is clear the Republican Party would rather talk about anything buttheir failed security policy. I don’t want my verbal slip to be adiversion from the real issues. I will continue to fight for a changeof course to provide real security for our country, and a winningstrategy for our troops.

The operation was obviously not a total success. He would have done well to stop at the second paragraph, because the third is the verbal equivalent of crossing his fingers behind his back.